A Mother's Balancing Act

Becoming Aware: World MS Day 2011

And now for a word from Simply C...

My modus operandi recently has been, quite frankly, a bit “a day late and a dollar short". My post today is no exception. In addition to being Towel Day, Geek Pride Day, National Tap Dance Day, and National Missing Children’s Day, Wednesday, May 25th was also the 2nd Annual World MS Day.

This year’s worldwide, Multiple Sclerosis (“MS”) awareness-raising event highlighted the issue of MS and Employment.  As a full-time employed SWF in her early 40’s and living with MS, this topic is of significant interest and concern to me, as it is to nearly every person with MS and a member of the work force. At the World MS Day website, you can provide support by signing the petition and adding your voice to the many who want to bring awareness to employers and policy makers and help to keep those with MS working for as long as possible.

For my awareness-raising effort, I’ll share my introduction to MS.

After abruptly losing vision in my left eye, I was diagnosed with MS three months after my 40th birthday. Hardly a warm welcome into the wonderful world of Forty-Something that I’d heard and read so much about. My diagnosis was a shock. At the time, I had not the slightest clue what MS was and I didn’t know anyone with the disease. That all changed in the Fall of my 40th year. I quickly learned that MS is an auto-immune disease that affects the central nervous system (the brain, optic nerves and spinal cord), particularly the myelin sheath that protects the nerve fibers.  MS affects at least twice as many women than men. Generally, people are diagnosed between the ages of 20 and 40, but sometimes diagnoses are made in individuals much younger than 20 and even in some who are much older than 50. Worldwide, it is believed that over two million people are affected by MS. Symptoms range from numbness to vision loss.  Extreme fatigue to walking difficulties. Depression to bladder dysfunction.  MS symptoms, their severity, and their effects vary greatly from person to person. Currently, there is no cure for MS. MS is every day and you don't always know what it might bring each day. One certainty of MS exists: uncertainty.

By no means is it lost on me that in the vast catalog of human diseases, deadly and debilitating, MS is far from the worst. But, to remain frank, MS has been frustrating, annoying, exhausting, expensive, sometimes depressing, and, well, truly a pain in the… well, right now, my right forearm. MS has been an eye-opener.  Every now and then, it's a plan wrecker. My biggest complaint is that it's an energy robber. In some respects, it's a game changer. It's absolutely a tolerance tester! On a positive note, MS has also been an opportunity maker.  I bet every person with MS would tell you it's a will challenger. (That’s a good thing!) I continue to be deeply moved each time MS reveals my support ralliers. Indeed, MS has been a love and friendship reminder.

The National MS Society uploaded this video to You Tube. Although it is over four years old, I think it educates and delivers a message that’s right on point: despite the challenges, we must keep moving forward. Join the Movement.

Additional information about MS and World MS Day is available at the National MS Society's website. (www.nationalmssociety.org)

I can't remedy being a few days late, but we all can help with the many research dollars short. If interested in providing financial support, the National MS Society encourages you to "Think globally and act locally" by texting MSAWARE to 20222 to donate $5 to the National MS Society. For the Facebook savvy, if you go to Pure Protein's Facebook page and "Like" them, they will donate $1 to the National MS Society. The goal is to raise $200,000.

Until May 2012, we’ll keep on keeping on and, with each World MS Day and awareness rising, who knows... Along this journey that I hope to freely move for many, many years, one day soon I may become a cured MS sufferer. Together, we continue moving forward and remaining grateful. I thank you for your willingness to become aware. 

 Simply... C

Loss of Spouse vs Loss of Hand?

As I browsed through our local paper this morning, an old ritual that I now cherish when I have the time, I came across a column in our Neighborhood News section. At first, I confess that I found myself becoming somewhat incensed by what I thought to be the author's audacity of comparing her friend's loss of her husband of over 50 years to the pain she felt after carpal tunnel surgery on her hand.

What the...? How can you possibly liken the loss of a spouse to the temporary loss of the use of one's hand?

But then I read on, and Therese Park's perspective was truly one of empathy. She said that she learned that:

"the love and trust between man and wife is similar to that of my two hands, and that losing one's spouse is the same tragedy as one hand losing its partner. The only difference between these two cases is that a person can lose a hand and can still live a full life, but the empty space one spouse leaves in another's life will never be filled."

While I certainly agree with Park's empathetic statement above (regarding the empty space), I still had a little trouble with the first part of it (that "losing one's spouse is the same tragedy as one hand losing its partner"). In any case, I can see the parallels she drew, and the column hit me at a time when a friend of mine has experienced the death of a parent, and the other parent is coping with this very loss - the loss of a spouse of over 50 years. At times like these, I am always taken back to the loss of my own mother, almost 20 years ago -- and how very grief-stricken my father was at that time. Each time a friend goes through this same loss, all of those wounds seem afresh to me.

To those of you out there who still have your mommies, hug them tight this Mother's Day. They won't always be there. I recognize that parental relationships are not always easy, but when a parent is gone, they are gone forever. My advice? Take the time to honor and cherish your mother this weekend. You'll be glad you did.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

Character...A Most Important Possession

In recent weeks, I have found myself bombarded with numerous situations that have caused me to question the values of others and just what on earth they could possibly be thinking. These "others" range from adolescents all the way to older adults, and in spite of trying my very best not to, it tends to make one start to feel a bit superior. I'm not saying that I'm doing the total superiority dance. No, not totally. But geez, what are some of these people thinking?

At the risk of hurting feelings and outing people I care about, I won't go into details here. Rather, I will stick to the point I am at now, which is one of reflection. As parents, we all hope to impart some sort of wisdom upon our children. We hope to ingrain in them the things that we deem important, indeed even necessary, for them to lead a fruitful, fulfilling life. In attempting to impart this wisdom, my husband and I often find ourselves at odds with today's materialistic society.

With the children, I have to think that the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Cheaters, for example, breed cheaters, right? Or, at the very least, overbearing parents with unrealistic standards breed cheating children? Try as I may to convince my kids that "cheaters never prosper", it's hard for them to do all the work necessary to achieve the A's the ethical way, yet constantly see others skate by the cheater's way (and yes, sadly, I do mean constantly). We remind them that in the end, the kid who cheats knows inside that she cheated, and God knows that she cheated. This is  especially true with subjects like math; it will truly hurt her in the long run. Still, it's hard for the kids on the straight and narrow.

And the adults who seem to trample over those in their path to get what they want? Naturally, I have even less patience for them. It's all I can do to be in the same room with people like that. As adults, we tell ourselves that "they'll get theirs in the end," "Karma will win out," etc.

But you know what? Outside of my marriage, the single most important possession I have is my character. And that's really all I need to know. And as my kids get older (now 16 and 19), they're really beginning to get that, too. Integrity is central to good character. They go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.

I leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes on this topic:

The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back. 
— Abigail van Buren (Pauline Esther Friedman), American newspaper advice columnist (1918-2002)

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece -- by thought, choice, courage and determination.

— John Luther

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)