A Mother's Balancing Act

Creeper at the Movies

OK, is it just me, or is it weird for a guy to go to the movies, by himself, with the intent of picking up women?

Creepers. Yuck!

So, my High School Daughter (HS Girl) and I went to a movie the other night (Super 8 - which was great, by the way), and we decided to stop in line at the concessions. We were third in line and discussing what to get.

Balanced Babe: Mmm...I haven't had popcorn in forever. We have to get some.

HS Girl: I don't like movie popcorn...it's too salty.

BB: How could you not like movie popcorn? It's the best...it's so bad for us...but I don't care. Yum-oh.

HS Girl: I want something sweet.

BB: (whispering) I have M&M's...

Just then, Creeper (directly in front of us) turns around and grins leers at us. He has to kind of peer up at us - me, 5'11, and HS Girl, towering above him in all of her own teen stretched out glory, complete with braid down to her waist.

BB: Uh...helloo??

Creeper: I like to listen.

BB: Uh, yes...? (expecting him to utter some sort of excuse or apology for eavesdropping)

Creeper: And I've always loved tall women, so I couldn't help myself...

HS Girl: (eyes wide, smirk on her face, speechless)

BB: OKayyy...

Creeper turns back around.

HS Girl: (whispering) Flash your wedding ring!!! (explodes into a flood of giggles...)

Can I just say, "Not ok, Creeper Dude. Not ok." And as far as I'm concerned, he wasn't necessarily focused on me. My daughter was oblivious, but she can easily be taken for older than her 16 years. He could have been hitting on either one of us. In the end, her laughter shamed him on his creeper's way.

But, YUCK!

This is why women never, ever, ever, ever want to go to the movies alone...God forbid. Reminds me of the old Mad TV skit... "Can I Have Your Number?" Hilarious. In that case, the "creeper" was played by a young woman, dressed as a young man. Too funny.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

Loss of Spouse vs Loss of Hand?

As I browsed through our local paper this morning, an old ritual that I now cherish when I have the time, I came across a column in our Neighborhood News section. At first, I confess that I found myself becoming somewhat incensed by what I thought to be the author's audacity of comparing her friend's loss of her husband of over 50 years to the pain she felt after carpal tunnel surgery on her hand.

What the...? How can you possibly liken the loss of a spouse to the temporary loss of the use of one's hand?

But then I read on, and Therese Park's perspective was truly one of empathy. She said that she learned that:

"the love and trust between man and wife is similar to that of my two hands, and that losing one's spouse is the same tragedy as one hand losing its partner. The only difference between these two cases is that a person can lose a hand and can still live a full life, but the empty space one spouse leaves in another's life will never be filled."

While I certainly agree with Park's empathetic statement above (regarding the empty space), I still had a little trouble with the first part of it (that "losing one's spouse is the same tragedy as one hand losing its partner"). In any case, I can see the parallels she drew, and the column hit me at a time when a friend of mine has experienced the death of a parent, and the other parent is coping with this very loss - the loss of a spouse of over 50 years. At times like these, I am always taken back to the loss of my own mother, almost 20 years ago -- and how very grief-stricken my father was at that time. Each time a friend goes through this same loss, all of those wounds seem afresh to me.

To those of you out there who still have your mommies, hug them tight this Mother's Day. They won't always be there. I recognize that parental relationships are not always easy, but when a parent is gone, they are gone forever. My advice? Take the time to honor and cherish your mother this weekend. You'll be glad you did.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

Character...A Most Important Possession

In recent weeks, I have found myself bombarded with numerous situations that have caused me to question the values of others and just what on earth they could possibly be thinking. These "others" range from adolescents all the way to older adults, and in spite of trying my very best not to, it tends to make one start to feel a bit superior. I'm not saying that I'm doing the total superiority dance. No, not totally. But geez, what are some of these people thinking?

At the risk of hurting feelings and outing people I care about, I won't go into details here. Rather, I will stick to the point I am at now, which is one of reflection. As parents, we all hope to impart some sort of wisdom upon our children. We hope to ingrain in them the things that we deem important, indeed even necessary, for them to lead a fruitful, fulfilling life. In attempting to impart this wisdom, my husband and I often find ourselves at odds with today's materialistic society.

With the children, I have to think that the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Cheaters, for example, breed cheaters, right? Or, at the very least, overbearing parents with unrealistic standards breed cheating children? Try as I may to convince my kids that "cheaters never prosper", it's hard for them to do all the work necessary to achieve the A's the ethical way, yet constantly see others skate by the cheater's way (and yes, sadly, I do mean constantly). We remind them that in the end, the kid who cheats knows inside that she cheated, and God knows that she cheated. This is  especially true with subjects like math; it will truly hurt her in the long run. Still, it's hard for the kids on the straight and narrow.

And the adults who seem to trample over those in their path to get what they want? Naturally, I have even less patience for them. It's all I can do to be in the same room with people like that. As adults, we tell ourselves that "they'll get theirs in the end," "Karma will win out," etc.

But you know what? Outside of my marriage, the single most important possession I have is my character. And that's really all I need to know. And as my kids get older (now 16 and 19), they're really beginning to get that, too. Integrity is central to good character. They go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.

I leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes on this topic:

The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back. 
— Abigail van Buren (Pauline Esther Friedman), American newspaper advice columnist (1918-2002)

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece -- by thought, choice, courage and determination.

— John Luther

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Backpack Texting...Really?

So, my daughter told me about a phenomena at her school that seems to be prevalent at high schools (and probably middle schools) everywhere.

Backpack texting.

Yep. Kids will find a way to text, regardless of the systems in place to prevent them from doing so. Technically speaking, our school regulations state:

"Cell phones and blackberries are not to be used during the school day. Cell phones will be confiscated if students use them during the day and will be returned by the end of the day or the following school day."

Well, yeah...let's see. We have approximately 560 girls at my daughter's school. I would estimate that 555 of them have a cell phone. Of those 555, I would also estimate that 554 of them have the phone turned on while at school but on vibrate or silent mode. That way, if Mom or Dad needs to send them a text, they can check for messages in between classes or over lunch ("I will be working late." "You left your Lit book @ home. Do you need it?" "Just got your text from this morning. Sorry. Can't bring the Lit book you left @ home. I'm @ work..."). This is not intended as a device to be used all day...like during class!

But apparently, here's what happens with some many of the girls:

The teacher is lecturing. The student reaches into her backpack and inconspicuously (one-handed) types a text to a friend in another class (or sitting across the room!). When I asked my daughter how a girl could possibly do this without looking at her phone, she shrugged me off and said, "It's not that hard, Mom...well, I don't do it, obviously." Obviously...

So, I asked her to send me a backpack text -- right then.

Here's what I got:

Hello mu mdnr ud 3 =1%)!

I can't remember what she said she tried to type!

Hmmm...either she:

1. Was telling the truth about not being a backpack texter, OR
2. Sent a complete gobbledegook text to placate me.

I'll take # 1, thank you very much!

Here's what I got on my Samsung Captivate when I tried to backpack text:

Nf czhvbgsf nx,mmm

In case you somehow couldn't decipher my message, that says:

My Daugter is Cool

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Monday Morning Coffee

As I sit this morning, making my "to-do" list before dashing off to work, I am ever so thankful that I roasted a turkey breast yesterday, in order to make my gravy in advance of "The Big Feast". And oh my goodness, it is delicious, if I do say so myself...and I do!

Entertaining 21 is not something that I do often. It didn't occur to me until last weekend that my cleaning crew (once again) did not "ping me" to ask when they could reschedule me since my regular day falls on "The Big Day". Last year, when I realized this, I opted out, figuring we were heading out of town to my brother's house. I thought, "Hey, we'll save the hundred bucks, do some cleaning ourselves (ahem...), and no one will be the wiser." Well, this time, I've got a cast of thousands coming to my house. It needs to be cleaned. I was sick a good part of last week (yuck!), and College Girl comes home tomorrow night to boot!

It looks like we'll be pulling together as a family to do an "all-out-effort" to get the house in order. I worked on everything but the floors in the kitchen last night, so it's in pretty good shape at the moment. I reminded Big Strong Man (that's BSM for any of you newcomers...) that I'd need his assistance, and we'll just make it work. That's right...Tim Gunn style. Yeah, I know. It sounds lame, but when you're used to having help, it takes a village to really get the whole house clean at the same time!

Truth be told, I'm just so excited to get my College Girl home tomorrow night, I'll do anything to get the Big Feast on the table on Thursday. Family, friends, feast, faith. It'll all be there. Life is good.

Cheers,

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Needle In a Haystack...

Just found this post that I never published. I liked it when I wrote it, so I decided to go ahead and send it out into cyberspace - about a year after the fact...

About 6 months ago, my 15 year old offered to "organize" my collection of recipes. If you'd seen them then, you'd know why I was thrilled beyond belief and willing to pay nearly any price for this precious service. We settled on the approximate amount of $100. This is what I've gotten so far...um, yeah...

 

Ain't life with teens grand?

So, recently, when I wanted to prepare my fabulous Pineapple Ketchup to go with the Pork Tenderloin that we were grilling for our family's Sunday dinner for nine, it was with sheer amazement that I retrieved the recipe from the pit on our guest room bed in under a minute. Serve this with grilled pork, beef or chicken. Yum! It's also good alongside marinated red onions. (Marinate for a couple of hours in a ziplock bag: one thinly sliced and quartered red onion, the juice of one lime, 1 T. red wine vinegar, 1 t. sugar, coarsely ground pepper to taste.) This meal pairs nicely with with a glass of pinot grigio, or if you prefer red, you are best to stick with a lighter one, perhaps a pinot noir or petir syrah. I even like a smooth Crianza with this. Enjoy!

Chunky Pineapple Ketchup

• 1 T. vegetable oil
• 1 yellow onion, very thinly sliced
• 1 pineapple, chunked
• 1/4 cup orange juice
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 rice wine vinegar or vinegar
• 1 t. rose water (optional)
• 1 pinch ground cloves (important!)
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 T. corn starch, mixed with 2 T. water

1. Saute onions 5-7 minutes.
2. Add pineapple. Cook about 3 minutes more.
3. Add remaining ingredients, except corn starch mixture. Cook add'l 5 min or so until mixture begins to thicken.
4. Add corn starch mixture, and boil until mixture thickens substantially.
5. Serve with your favorite grill meat!

Weird Teen Collections

As I sift through the myriad of junk on my daughter's floor, searching for possible articles of clothing to add to the laundry, I am struck dumb by the sheer number of odds and ends that she appears to find worthy of collecting for future use:

• Starburst, Reece's, gum and other assorted candy wrappers
• Empty pop cans, water bottles and Tupperware
• Used Q-Tips
• Band-Aid wrappers
• Empty pop cans, water bottles
• Beads...everywhere
• Loose Kleenex
• Empty Rx bottles
• Embroidery floss in a variety of lengths and colors
• More hair bands than you can shake a stick at
• Bobby pins, clips, and the offers that fall out of magazines

Why is it that none of the things that would normally wind up in the rest of our trash cans sit idly on her floor/desk/night stand? I don't know. We have trash cans in every room of our home. Literally. Every room. Yet her hand can't seem to find them. I don't get that.

In her "defense" (ahem...), Girl 2 is incredibly creative and talented with all things crafts, and she is forever folding candy wrappers into cool works of art. Sooo, there is that. But I ask you, do they have to be all over her room in the meantime??? Agghhh! And there is simply no excuse for not throwing out a used Q-Tip, right? "Allow me to introduce you to the trash can!"

I have to offer this up, as well, though. I enjoy the crafts she makes with these odds and ends greatly! The picture I've included here...just one of the many things that she creates with the sort of thing that I wish she would pitch. Folded paper flowers. She is, in fact, a paper folding wizard of sorts. Pure self-taught art. Therein lies the difference between my daughter and me. She is a creative genius. Plain and simple. So, there you go.

And it is for that reason that I wind up simply letting it go.

All the crap that settles onto her floor.

I let it go. Let it slide right off me like a cool shower on a hot summer day..because before I know it, she will be out of our house and off to college, just like her older sister. And I will be left wishing she were here, crap on the floor or not. I will miss her, just as I miss her sister. A messy floor is a small thing, really, when it comes right down to it, isn't it?

So, I'll celebrate her creativity...today, at least.

If only the flowers made the room smell better...ah, well.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

 

 

 

 

Bullying - Celebrities Speak Out

Bullying is certainly in the news this week. Good Morning America ran a story this morning, interviewing one of my favorite actors from Modern Family, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. He said that his situation got so bad in junior high that he had to change schools in 8th grade. They aired a quote from Tim Gunn (Project Runway), who said that he had such angst as a young gay male at 17, that he tried to commit suicide.

A public service announcement about the gravity of this issue will be aired sometime later this week or early next. I have seen comments where people have asked why there is the sudden outcry only now, when a string of homosexual young men have committed suicide. From what I understand, this particular demographic is particularly at risk over all other teens (even lesbian teens) due to pressures and bullying that seem to be worse for them than their other teen peers.

Every home, every public school, every college must be a safe place for our sons and daughters to be.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

 

Tolerance -- We Can Make A Difference

Tolerence.

We can make a difference.

Ellen Degeneres said it quite eloquently last week:

http://bit.ly/ci783W

Talk to your kids, America. We have to stop the bullying. We can't let another one of our teenagers die because he or she feels:

• Alone
• Different
• Stupid
• Sub-Par
• Lost
• Alienated

Talk to your principals.Talk to your teachers. Talk to your neighbors. Talk to your kids.

Let them know you're watching. Let them know you care. You're there.

And be sure your kids know that you'll love them no matter what. No matter what. No, they don't know unless you tell them. Yes. They do need to hear that.

We. Can't. Keep. Losing. Children.

It has to stop, America.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

 

Children's Healthcare - Coverage Not There Yet

I was overjoyed to see my good friend and co-leader in Girl Scouts, Mary Thompson, quoted in the NY Times article on Wednesday this week about pending mandatory healthcare coverage for kids with pre-existing conditions. In the article and on Facebook, Mary had still expressed some reservations regarding the dotting of the i's and the crossing of the t's on this whole thing. Well, it appears that her concerns were well founded.

Humana has told her that the new law pertaining to covering children with pre-existing conditions pertains only to children 10 and under. Since Mary's two children with pre-existing conditions are both over the age of 10, apparently, they still don't have to be covered until 2014. Well, gee, isn't that convenient for Humana - and all of the other big, fat insurance agencies? Where are these families supposed to turn for assistance?

Mary's husband owns his own business and therefore, the family is among the 14 million Americans who get their insurance on the individual market rather than via an employer. Two of the Thompson's three children have lived without insurance coverage pretty much their entire lives. No insurance. This is unfathomable to me. Working families, contributing members of the community, a mom who gives back more than just about anyone I know, in fact...and an insurance industry who can choose not to cover their children because they have significant medical needs (one with Attention Deficit Disorder and one who was born with spina bifida and later also diagnosed with very mild autism).

This is sick. I have to admit that on a daily basis, I sit back and tell myself that it makes me uncomfortable to "get involved" or "speak out". We live in an area of the country and even the metropolitan area where it is unpopular to believe in what President Obama is trying to do with the Healthcare Act. But no matter what you believe...whether you believe in what the President is doing or not, isn't it time to work together to insure the 72,000 uninsured children currently affected? And shouldn't we do what we can to help the 50.7 million people who are now uninsured in all? This number rose by 10% in 2009 alone.

What can we do to speak out, raise our voices and help people like the Thompsons get coverage now? These are children without healthcare coverage? Are you OK with that? And for those of you who say, "Hey, I pay my taxes, pull my weight, etc." and go with that argument, so do the Thompsons!

What say you, America?

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)