A Mother's Balancing Act

Loss of Spouse vs Loss of Hand?

As I browsed through our local paper this morning, an old ritual that I now cherish when I have the time, I came across a column in our Neighborhood News section. At first, I confess that I found myself becoming somewhat incensed by what I thought to be the author's audacity of comparing her friend's loss of her husband of over 50 years to the pain she felt after carpal tunnel surgery on her hand.

What the...? How can you possibly liken the loss of a spouse to the temporary loss of the use of one's hand?

But then I read on, and Therese Park's perspective was truly one of empathy. She said that she learned that:

"the love and trust between man and wife is similar to that of my two hands, and that losing one's spouse is the same tragedy as one hand losing its partner. The only difference between these two cases is that a person can lose a hand and can still live a full life, but the empty space one spouse leaves in another's life will never be filled."

While I certainly agree with Park's empathetic statement above (regarding the empty space), I still had a little trouble with the first part of it (that "losing one's spouse is the same tragedy as one hand losing its partner"). In any case, I can see the parallels she drew, and the column hit me at a time when a friend of mine has experienced the death of a parent, and the other parent is coping with this very loss - the loss of a spouse of over 50 years. At times like these, I am always taken back to the loss of my own mother, almost 20 years ago -- and how very grief-stricken my father was at that time. Each time a friend goes through this same loss, all of those wounds seem afresh to me.

To those of you out there who still have your mommies, hug them tight this Mother's Day. They won't always be there. I recognize that parental relationships are not always easy, but when a parent is gone, they are gone forever. My advice? Take the time to honor and cherish your mother this weekend. You'll be glad you did.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

Beyaz...a lot of B.S.?

Have you seen the ads for Beyaz birth control? This campaign is wrong on so many levels...truly, my first reaction was one of irony/humor. Did the gurus in Bayer's mammoth marketing department honestly not realize that the name sounds like they are saying "B.S" over and over? Seriously?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdSmXKRqFHM 

(Note: Apparently this link is no longer functional in the normal sense, but if you copy and paste it into a new browser, it does work...it really is worth it...talk about an inane commercial.) 

But on a much deeper level, the women in this ad are portrayed as if they are a pack of materialistic Stepford wives on a mission to find their next shopping conquest. Will it be:

• A trip to Paris
• A new dream house
• A graduate degree
• A dream guy (um, yeah...)

All while they coyly wave off the cute little stork carrying a wrapped up bundle of "un-joy".

The commercial is demeaning to women and the committed relationships that we cultivate. Shame on Bayer for promoting their product via this shallow, showy advertising.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

 

Dum Dum Dog...

I never had a dog growing up, and when our girls were small, I knew I had to give them the one  I never had. Period. I made it my mission in life to convince my Big Strong Man that not only was a dog good for them, they needed one. Sure, he'd had a dog (and even two or three) growing up. He'd had that joy. That relationship that a kid has with his pet. I hadn't. I was gypped, you see.

Enter Casey, our little white fluffball of a Bichon Frise. Funny how short people have big dogs and tall people have little dogs. What's up with that? I know that's a sweeping generalization, but I sure know a lot of instances where that applies. Anyway, here we are, a very tall family with our tiny little 8 1/2 pound (small for her breed, even) dog. She's 6 1/2 years old now, and she's been a joy for our family in so many ways. Never mind that she barks at imaginary things in the yard and is certain that she will catch rabbits. Well, actually, she has caught her share of critters over the years:

• Rabbits
• Baby rabbits
• Birds
• Opossum
• Mice
• Chipmunks

And, are you ready for this one?

• A bat

Yep, a bat.

So, she's quite the little natural critter hunter. She's got a good nose. So, last night, when we got home from our anniversary dinner and found her rooting through Girl 2's tote bag, we should have known right off that she'd been up to no good. Should have immediately suspected that she'd already eaten stuff she shouldn't have. It wasn't until a little while later that we found the gum.

A previously unopened package of Cinnamint Orbit. Now gnawed through the tops of three plus pieces. My girls usually open the package and take individual pieces out. Just something about the way they were taught, I suppose. I don't know. And they tend to unwrap each piece before chewing them. Something about the flavor, I think. Perhaps they're fussy that way. Maybe the texture? I guess you could say they're purists. So, we suspected Casey.

I suddenly remembered the frightening email that I'd received some time ago and subsequently checked out on Snopes.com about dogs and Xylitol. Not a good combo. Reportedly, two pieces of gum with Xylitol can kill a 20 pound dog. Aw, geez. So, off we went to the Emergency Vet. When we arrived, there were all these other people there in tears, and here's Casey, wanting to run up and lick everyone. She's so friendly.

They take her back to an exam room and report that her temp is 105.2 degrees. This does not sound good. They tell me that Casey is presenting far differently from most dogs who have eaten gum with Xylitol. Most dogs would be falling asleep, possiblly even seizing. Casey is acting extremely hyper. The vet tells me they may need to keep her overnight for observation. Keep her hooked up to an IV, etc. I know Big Strong Man (who is fond of saying, "You know how Casey is your first dog ever? She's going to be your last...") will have a coronary at this. I ask for an estimate of what this would cost and ask what the risk would be if we did not do it. The vet says he'll work that up.

I also ask the vet what he would do if he were in my shoes. He says it's frustrating since she's not presenting typically, that it's not an easy call, and that if she goes home with me that we'd need to wake her every few hours to make sure she's OK. The cost to stay overnight is...are you ready? $547. Gulp. I tell the vet I need to call BSM. Really, I'm already telling myself that we can monitor her at home.

The vet and I decide to induce vomiting to see what this "produces". They find the gum, some brown stuff (chocolate -- hey, Girl 2 is a teenager with a very sweet tooth...) and --yep. You may have already guessed it. A Dum Dum wrapper. And the vet tech says the vomit smells like cinnamon. Well, duh...I said it was Cinnamint Orbit.

She is fine. Her nickname will now and forever more be Dum Dum.

Balanced Babe

Day in the Field with My Big Strong Man

Wow, That's What He Does All Day???

So, it's my Big Strong Man's birthday today. Yep, 29. OK, actually, he's 44 today. Yes, for about 4 glorious months, the big hunk is a "year" older than I am! I looooove this time of year!

Engineers, by trade, are a soft-spoken, unassuming bunch. How BSM wound up with an outspoken, assertive chick like me, I'll never know, but I thank my lucky stars each and every night! So, last night when he came home, lamenting the fact that in a moment of weakness, he had told a client that he would drive 3 hours each way to go take a look at a problem construction site they had (today - on his birthday...), I suggested that I go with him. Sort of ride shotgun, share in the driving, and perhaps even leave him some time to get some paperwork done on the car ride home. I was going to be off work anyway, so what the heck?

Surprisingly, he bit. Since he's usually something of a loner, I thought he would brush off my idea with a friendly "thanks but no thanks." However, he seized the opportunity (smarty pants!), and off we went this morning at 6:30 AM!

In almost 19 years of marriage, it was actually the first time that I have gotten a true taste of a "day in the life" of my BSM at work. I have to say, I think he was pleased for me to see him at it, and I know I was happy to be there. Now, mind you, I wasn't out on the first job site in a hard hat with him. He said that would not have been cool. So, I stayed in the car for that one. Once we were back home, though, I stayed with him for his next appointment because it was a tight schedule to make it there from being out of town. His client was friendly and didn't seem to mind a bit that BSM's "little lady/better half/ball-n-chain" (!) was on the job with him. I stayed in the car there, too (it was like a hundred freaking degrees, OK?), but I met him before they went tromping off into the big pile of dirt.

Any way you slice it, getting a glimpse of the many phone calls (like 25 to 30?) that my husband makes and fields all day certainly brings home why he has absolutely no patience to deal with any sort of phone activity once back at the ranch in the evening.

Telemarketers beware: If BSM answers, you may very well get the classic Seinfeld response:

BSM: You know I'm a little busy right now. Why don't you give me your home phone number, so I can call you back a later when it's more convenient?

(pause)

BSM: Oh...you don't want me to call you at home? Well, now you know how I feel! (and then slams phone down on telemarketer's ear...)

Ah, such classic Seinfeld! We are on the "No Call" list anyway, so they're not supposed to call us, but occasionally one slips through.

All in all, though, what a great day. And my husband's stress level was so much lower than it would've been if he'd had to drive 375 miles all by his lonesome. It worked out great!

Balanced Babe