A Mother's Balancing Act

Character...A Most Important Possession

In recent weeks, I have found myself bombarded with numerous situations that have caused me to question the values of others and just what on earth they could possibly be thinking. These "others" range from adolescents all the way to older adults, and in spite of trying my very best not to, it tends to make one start to feel a bit superior. I'm not saying that I'm doing the total superiority dance. No, not totally. But geez, what are some of these people thinking?

At the risk of hurting feelings and outing people I care about, I won't go into details here. Rather, I will stick to the point I am at now, which is one of reflection. As parents, we all hope to impart some sort of wisdom upon our children. We hope to ingrain in them the things that we deem important, indeed even necessary, for them to lead a fruitful, fulfilling life. In attempting to impart this wisdom, my husband and I often find ourselves at odds with today's materialistic society.

With the children, I have to think that the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Cheaters, for example, breed cheaters, right? Or, at the very least, overbearing parents with unrealistic standards breed cheating children? Try as I may to convince my kids that "cheaters never prosper", it's hard for them to do all the work necessary to achieve the A's the ethical way, yet constantly see others skate by the cheater's way (and yes, sadly, I do mean constantly). We remind them that in the end, the kid who cheats knows inside that she cheated, and God knows that she cheated. This is  especially true with subjects like math; it will truly hurt her in the long run. Still, it's hard for the kids on the straight and narrow.

And the adults who seem to trample over those in their path to get what they want? Naturally, I have even less patience for them. It's all I can do to be in the same room with people like that. As adults, we tell ourselves that "they'll get theirs in the end," "Karma will win out," etc.

But you know what? Outside of my marriage, the single most important possession I have is my character. And that's really all I need to know. And as my kids get older (now 16 and 19), they're really beginning to get that, too. Integrity is central to good character. They go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.

I leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes on this topic:

The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back. 
— Abigail van Buren (Pauline Esther Friedman), American newspaper advice columnist (1918-2002)

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece -- by thought, choice, courage and determination.

— John Luther

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Backpack Texting...Really?

So, my daughter told me about a phenomena at her school that seems to be prevalent at high schools (and probably middle schools) everywhere.

Backpack texting.

Yep. Kids will find a way to text, regardless of the systems in place to prevent them from doing so. Technically speaking, our school regulations state:

"Cell phones and blackberries are not to be used during the school day. Cell phones will be confiscated if students use them during the day and will be returned by the end of the day or the following school day."

Well, yeah...let's see. We have approximately 560 girls at my daughter's school. I would estimate that 555 of them have a cell phone. Of those 555, I would also estimate that 554 of them have the phone turned on while at school but on vibrate or silent mode. That way, if Mom or Dad needs to send them a text, they can check for messages in between classes or over lunch ("I will be working late." "You left your Lit book @ home. Do you need it?" "Just got your text from this morning. Sorry. Can't bring the Lit book you left @ home. I'm @ work..."). This is not intended as a device to be used all day...like during class!

But apparently, here's what happens with some many of the girls:

The teacher is lecturing. The student reaches into her backpack and inconspicuously (one-handed) types a text to a friend in another class (or sitting across the room!). When I asked my daughter how a girl could possibly do this without looking at her phone, she shrugged me off and said, "It's not that hard, Mom...well, I don't do it, obviously." Obviously...

So, I asked her to send me a backpack text -- right then.

Here's what I got:

Hello mu mdnr ud 3 =1%)!

I can't remember what she said she tried to type!

Hmmm...either she:

1. Was telling the truth about not being a backpack texter, OR
2. Sent a complete gobbledegook text to placate me.

I'll take # 1, thank you very much!

Here's what I got on my Samsung Captivate when I tried to backpack text:

Nf czhvbgsf nx,mmm

In case you somehow couldn't decipher my message, that says:

My Daugter is Cool

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

FedEx...$88 for Shipping Raggedy Ann's Costume?

So, I needed to ship a care package to College Girl last week. It contained a Raggedy Ann Halloween  
costume, among other things. I have a FedEx account with an excellent discount due to having a home-based direct sales business through a company that happens to be their largest residential shipping customer. I had the package, all 5.5 pounds of it, boxed and taped up, pre-addressed, etc. I just wanted to find out how much it was going to cost me, depending on what time it arrived (morning or afternoon). It was shipping from KC to Chicago. I had shipped to College Girl previously, just not overnight. The gentleman assigned to assist me was visibly distressed when I handed him my account card, shoulders heaving and sighing heavily.

Balanced Babe: Could you please tell me what it will cost to ship, morning vs. afternoon?

FedEx #1: About $5.00 difference.

BB: Oh, well, I have a really good discount, so if you could just check what it will be for each, that would be great.

FE 1: (Sighing...disturbed, looking at my FedEx/Kinko's combo card with consternation...) Frank, is this a shipping card???

From somewhere hidden across the room, Frank responds that yes, it is indeed a shipping card and the account # is the one that says, "FedEx Shipping #". Hmmm...funny how that works. There really isn't that much data on the card, but this has been the source of confusion for some time, actually. FE 1 proceeds with his sighing and types a few numbers into his monitor. He stares at the screen for a few moments and then confidently announces the following:

FE 1: That will be $88.02 for 10 am tomorrow, $58.01 for about noon and $51.76 for 3 pm.

BB: (dumbfounded and...nearly...at a loss for words) Are you kidding me??? $88? (panicking...gathering my thoughts...panicking some more...knowing that College Girl needs this costume the next day, or I might as well not even send it at all) So, you're telling me that the least expensive option to get this to Chicago tomorrow is 51 dollars...and 76 cents?

FE 1: (nodding) Yes.

BB: (mouth gaping)

But then, I suddenly catch a glimmer of doubt in this man's eyes...

BB: You're quite certain...

FE 1: Wait...let me check something...(studying the monitor and glancing uncomfortably at my steely gaze)...Frank!!!

Suddenly, there's Frank, whom I recognize from many other competently managed visits. Ah, Frank...where've you been? Frank, save us. Frank, what's the good word? Frank, give it to me straight!

Frank: Zach, go ldfkgjlfdkjgld;fkgh

I don't know what it was that Frank told FE 1 (now known to me as Zach) to go do, but FE 1 disappeared with his tail between his legs. Frank took over, typing furiously on the keyboard.

Frank: OK, you wanted this there for the cheapest price possible???

BB: No, actually, I need it there tomorrow, but I just wanted to know the various prices, depending on the time of day.

Frank: OK, it'll be $18.77 if it gets there by 10 am and $16.08 if it gets there by 3 pm.

My heart soars. Halloween is saved. Raggedy Ann will live on!

BB: 3 pm is fine.

I slide my chicken-scratched post-it across the counter to Frank.

BB: Just so you know, this is what Zach quoted me for morning, noon and 3 pm...

Frank's eyes bug out of his head.

Frank: Yeah, that's why I sent him off...that was your discount percentage.

Ha! I knew I had a great discount! Disaster averted. But wow, I hope they keep Zach off the FedEx counter. Perhaps he should just sweep or something.

Didn't Raggedy Ann look adorable -- in her homemade costume --from last year, no less? And her friend, who dressed as Snooki? She's sooo not like that...which made it all the funnier!

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

 

Tolerance -- We Can Make A Difference

Tolerence.

We can make a difference.

Ellen Degeneres said it quite eloquently last week:

http://bit.ly/ci783W

Talk to your kids, America. We have to stop the bullying. We can't let another one of our teenagers die because he or she feels:

• Alone
• Different
• Stupid
• Sub-Par
• Lost
• Alienated

Talk to your principals.Talk to your teachers. Talk to your neighbors. Talk to your kids.

Let them know you're watching. Let them know you care. You're there.

And be sure your kids know that you'll love them no matter what. No matter what. No, they don't know unless you tell them. Yes. They do need to hear that.

We. Can't. Keep. Losing. Children.

It has to stop, America.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

 

Expanding the Menu

According to Big Strong Man, I have a bad habit. He refers to it as "Expanding the Menu".

It goes something like this. We plan a party. I make up a detailed menu of all of the items that I am planning to serve, and then, at the very last minute…the 11^th hour, if you will…I Expand the Menu.

I panic and worry that we won't have enough food after all (we always have enough food for a cast of Marines…), and I start whipping up an extra batch of guacamole…or artichoke dip…or gooey butter cake. You get the idea.

Well, weekend before last, I did something similar…kinda.

We were preparing to leave for Chicago to take our daughter to college – in 30 minutes.

And at that very moment, I decided to make her some of my famous Pesto Pasta…'cuz' that's her favorite. And I hadn't made any in a while. So, I decided I needed to do it – right then. (Hey, when you have veritable basil bushes like I do, you tend to want to take advantage of them, ya' know?)

Um, yeah…you might say that I'm a little verklempt about sending this child off to school.

So, I put the pot of water on the stove to boil…throw in the kosher salt and some olive oil and put a lid on, so it will boil faster.

Then, I run back to our room to finish getting ready.

I throw two bags of whole wheat spaghetti in with 20 minutes to go before our ETD (Estimated Time of Departure).

Those of you who have traveled with me before know that I tend to run a bit late…ahem.

Big Strong Man sees the steaming pot of water, and steam proceeds to start pouring out of his ears. He is definitely pleased…He quietly reminds me that we are leaving in now…17 minutes.

"I know," I chirp.

A few minutes later, when he sees me preparing to mix up my creamy pesto, I think his head might just spin right off of his neck. "We're leaving in three minutes."

"I know," I stammer. "I'm just trying to do something nice for our daughter. It's her favorite food on the planet." This to justify my completely inane activity at the last minute… ;-)

So, our daughter comes out to the kitchen, pours herself a "go mug" of coffee and sits down at the table. "What smells soooo good?"

"Pesto pasta," I reply, smiling complacently.

"YUMMMM! Oh, that sounds soooo good! Could I have some right now? Please???"

"For breakfast?? At 9 AM?"

"Yes??" she pleads.

"Sure. I don't care," I smile, absolutely thrilled with the early result of my domestic toils. I dish her out a big scoop of the creamy, green, garlicky pasta into a cereal bowl.

"That's plenty!"

She sits down at the breakfast table and starts twisting the strands of noodles around her fork. "Mmm, it's perfect."

"Doesn't need anything?"

"Nope! Why did you make this today?"

"For you and your roommate."

A look of surprise, then, perhaps embarrassment – but finally, pleasure crosses her face.

"We'll put it in a big gallon baggie, and it can go right into your dorm mini fridge. A little touch of home that you can warm up in the micro your first week of school."

Smiles all around.

9:08 AM…ready to walk out the door.

Not bad. Not bad at all…

Balance Babe (Molly Wendland)

Experience Everything…Well, Maybe Not Everything

So, my brother and I were on the phone the other night, and we got to talking. He asked what I'd been busy with lately, and I replied that we'd been getting our daughter ready to go off to college. That's when he said the following:

"Well, Molly, tell her I said to experience everything!"

If you knew my big brother, you'd know that more than likely, he truly meant exactly what he said.

Experience Everything.

With a capital E.

My brother is 10 years older than I am. He's 55 – almost an entire generation ahead of me. A former hippie – with everything you can imagine that may have included.

So, coming from him, "Experience everything" carries some weight…

"I don't know if I really want to tell her that," I said.

"She needs to spread her wings, come out of her shell."

"You know, she's really not in the little box that you think she is. She's very strong in her faith, but she's progressive in her thoughts and very open-minded. You just don't know her that well."

"Well, she should try everything. That's all I'm saying."

"Well, I'll tell her that. But I'll tell her that you said it," I said with a qualifying smile in my voice.

We laughed and hung up.

I shared the story with my daughter, and we laughed, too. She loves her uncle and realizes that his path was different than hers has been as a teenager. She gets that and appreciates the differences. She doesn't judge but chooses her own path. I love that about her and hope that she will continue to choose her own path, whatever experiences that might include.

May God keep her safe these next 4 years and beyond.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

The Ants Come Marching Three by Three

It was an ominous beginning to a bittersweet day.

I awoke earlier than necessary, after grabbing only about 4 hours sleep…ugh. Oh, well, more time to get things done before we set off to take our eldest daughter to her first year of college out of state.

I threw the last few items in my bulging suitcase (ever the overpacker…) and wheeled the bag quietly out to the kitchen. Tears streaming down my face, I bent to give my Big Strong Man a kiss good morning as he clicked away at his game on the computer. Hugging me, he brushed my hair out of my face and reassured me that she was going to be just fine. Selfishly, I thought to myself, "I know she will be. It's us I'm worried about." I measured out our morning coffee. One scoop, two, three, four, five..and a half. That should do it.

My baby is leaving for college, I thought. What will I do without her? It will be so quiet with only three of us in the house. It just won't be the same…

And then, it happened. Just the thing to snap me out of my self-indulgent misery:

ANTS.

Ants everywhere. Everywhere I looked.

On the counter. On the dishwasher. In the sink. On the Cabinets. Under the can opener, the food processer, the coffee maker…OMG…

In the pantry.

OMG!

The ants had invaded.

Overnight.

Well, not exactly overnight.

We had been battling them off and on for a couple of weeks but not to this extent. Not like this. Not in my freaking pantry.

Not the day I'm leaving to take our daughter to college.

Not the day my OCD niece is coming to stay with our younger daughter for four days – only to find the house infested with ANTS.

Excellent.

So we sprayed the heck out of the kitchen with Hawaiian Floral scented Raid Ant Killer…who's ever heard of that scent? Big Strong Man bought it! Crazy!

And then we proceeded to kill dozens of ants. Dozens. My skin is still crawling. Yuck.

Well, at least I get to stay in a comfy, cozy hotel tonight!

And it took my mind off sending my baby away to college…for a while anyway.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

College, Cash and Condoms???

Yes. You read that right. We tasked our 18 year old daughter with locating a nearby banking option at her new college campus. So, what did she find in the busy metropolis she has chosen? Well, the Jesuit university is nicely situated right next to a Bank of America ATM, which is also conveniently adjacent to the Planned Parenthood. Um, yeah...don't get me wrong. I'm all for safe sex. It's just...she's our first. I don't know. It's a little ironic, isn't it?

So, she can get a little Calculus in first thing, stop for Cash at the ATM, grab a Cup of Coffee at the Dunkin Donuts, and stop in the Planned Parenthood for her Condoms, all in about 2 hours' time. How Cleverly Convenient, I must say.

All at the Catholic College, man.

Crazy.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

A Mother's Angst

Ah, the teen years...shopping, movies, going steady, staying up late chatting with your girlfriends, cruising Main Street, going to the "Big Game" and "The Dance"...

OK, who am I kidding? Yes, there's time for socializing, but my kids' lives are filling me with angst. It's more like this:

• Homework
• Studying for the "Big Test"
• Working on the group project
• Staying up late texting about who's responsible for what on the group project
• Cruising Wal-Mart late at night, panicked, searching for that last minute item for the "Big Project"
• Doing the dance between needing sleep and needing to study more for the "Big Test" in AP Chemistry

Is it just me, or has high school gotten out of hand? One of our daughters is involved in sports, and the other is not, but both are in honors classes. And both are outrageously busy. When does a kid have time to be a kid? A teen have time to be a teen? Yes, we want them to be prepared for college. Yes, we want them to do well on college entrance exams and hopefully get good scholarships to good schools. Yes, we want them to be well-rounded.

I pray for guidance every day. As I sit here mulling it over, sipping my coffee, It just seems to me that there isn't enough time for them to be kids. Is it just me? They're such good kids. They're really not even complaining, but their teen years are flying by so fast without them even realizing it. Perhaps it's just me, and I'm just getting old...perhaps that's it.

Perhaps.

Balanced Babe (AKA Molly Wendland)

Waxing Poetic (sort of ) re: the Holidays...

About this time of the season, most of us are just about ready to hang up our holiday cheer for another year...

• Some of us would (secretly?) like to drop the kids off a little early back at school - like today...even though it doesn't start again until Monday.
• The cranberries in your "tasteful decor" have dried up and taken on a decidedly different look than when the season began, and they might have even begun to assume a certain pungent and not so pleasant aroma.
• Fido's once darling Hannukah "do" is now a mange of tangled fur and wrapping paper, and you wish you'd never let that cloying groomer talk you into all those fussy bows and bells. What were you thinking?
• Your homemade Christmas toffee tradition has caused the family to gain a collective 50 pounds, and there's still another tubful in the garage - who do you think you are - Giada?
• The house looks like it's been ridden hard and put up wet, thank you. And if your eldest asks you one more time what she can have for lunch, you just might have to remind her (one more time...) that there are kids (in Zimbabwe, China, Pakistan...) who don't even have refrigerators to stand in front of for half an hour to contemplate that deceision...
• Could we go just one day without the dog eating something she's not supposed to and vomiting - on my leg - and favorite shoes?
• Is there ever going to be a day when there isn't laundry to be done?
• And could my extended family go one round of holidays without having the plague whip through? Seriously, you'd think my sister's family all drank caster oil or something!
• And this last, do you think I could have a party without Mother Nature "blessing us" with snow or ice on the day of the party? How about next week for book club, please? Please?

In spite of it all, however, I find myself waxing poetic. Yep. Call me crazy. In fact, I'm trying to decide whether I should be taking all of my decorations down this weekend or waiting one more, so we can enjoy them one last time next Thursday at book club. What do you think?

So, here's what crazy me is going to miss:

• The sweet scent of my Frasier Fir tree
• Eggnog
• Time spent with family (well, most of it anyway!)
• Eating out
• Eating period!
• Going out for coffee with friends
• Baking (yes, I really do enjoy that unlike my White Trash counterpart over at White Trash Mom!...)
• Sitting in the living room with all the lights out except those on my Christmas tree...transcendental experience, I'm telling you!

• Time off work!

Ah, well, that's the holidays for you. They must come to an end. I kinda' go through the post holiday blues every year. Well, my Big Strong Man calls it my winter blues. In any case, Happy New Year to all of you. We actually had a pretty rough couple of months, healthwise, with one of our kids to round out 2008. With that said, I wish you peace and health in the new year, and May 2009 bring all that you are hoping for.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland