A Mother's Balancing Act

Creeper at the Movies

OK, is it just me, or is it weird for a guy to go to the movies, by himself, with the intent of picking up women?

Creepers. Yuck!

So, my High School Daughter (HS Girl) and I went to a movie the other night (Super 8 - which was great, by the way), and we decided to stop in line at the concessions. We were third in line and discussing what to get.

Balanced Babe: Mmm...I haven't had popcorn in forever. We have to get some.

HS Girl: I don't like movie popcorn...it's too salty.

BB: How could you not like movie popcorn? It's the best...it's so bad for us...but I don't care. Yum-oh.

HS Girl: I want something sweet.

BB: (whispering) I have M&M's...

Just then, Creeper (directly in front of us) turns around and grins leers at us. He has to kind of peer up at us - me, 5'11, and HS Girl, towering above him in all of her own teen stretched out glory, complete with braid down to her waist.

BB: Uh...helloo??

Creeper: I like to listen.

BB: Uh, yes...? (expecting him to utter some sort of excuse or apology for eavesdropping)

Creeper: And I've always loved tall women, so I couldn't help myself...

HS Girl: (eyes wide, smirk on her face, speechless)

BB: OKayyy...

Creeper turns back around.

HS Girl: (whispering) Flash your wedding ring!!! (explodes into a flood of giggles...)

Can I just say, "Not ok, Creeper Dude. Not ok." And as far as I'm concerned, he wasn't necessarily focused on me. My daughter was oblivious, but she can easily be taken for older than her 16 years. He could have been hitting on either one of us. In the end, her laughter shamed him on his creeper's way.

But, YUCK!

This is why women never, ever, ever, ever want to go to the movies alone...God forbid. Reminds me of the old Mad TV skit... "Can I Have Your Number?" Hilarious. In that case, the "creeper" was played by a young woman, dressed as a young man. Too funny.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

Character...A Most Important Possession

In recent weeks, I have found myself bombarded with numerous situations that have caused me to question the values of others and just what on earth they could possibly be thinking. These "others" range from adolescents all the way to older adults, and in spite of trying my very best not to, it tends to make one start to feel a bit superior. I'm not saying that I'm doing the total superiority dance. No, not totally. But geez, what are some of these people thinking?

At the risk of hurting feelings and outing people I care about, I won't go into details here. Rather, I will stick to the point I am at now, which is one of reflection. As parents, we all hope to impart some sort of wisdom upon our children. We hope to ingrain in them the things that we deem important, indeed even necessary, for them to lead a fruitful, fulfilling life. In attempting to impart this wisdom, my husband and I often find ourselves at odds with today's materialistic society.

With the children, I have to think that the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Cheaters, for example, breed cheaters, right? Or, at the very least, overbearing parents with unrealistic standards breed cheating children? Try as I may to convince my kids that "cheaters never prosper", it's hard for them to do all the work necessary to achieve the A's the ethical way, yet constantly see others skate by the cheater's way (and yes, sadly, I do mean constantly). We remind them that in the end, the kid who cheats knows inside that she cheated, and God knows that she cheated. This is  especially true with subjects like math; it will truly hurt her in the long run. Still, it's hard for the kids on the straight and narrow.

And the adults who seem to trample over those in their path to get what they want? Naturally, I have even less patience for them. It's all I can do to be in the same room with people like that. As adults, we tell ourselves that "they'll get theirs in the end," "Karma will win out," etc.

But you know what? Outside of my marriage, the single most important possession I have is my character. And that's really all I need to know. And as my kids get older (now 16 and 19), they're really beginning to get that, too. Integrity is central to good character. They go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.

I leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes on this topic:

The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back. 
— Abigail van Buren (Pauline Esther Friedman), American newspaper advice columnist (1918-2002)

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece -- by thought, choice, courage and determination.

— John Luther

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Backpack Texting...Really?

So, my daughter told me about a phenomena at her school that seems to be prevalent at high schools (and probably middle schools) everywhere.

Backpack texting.

Yep. Kids will find a way to text, regardless of the systems in place to prevent them from doing so. Technically speaking, our school regulations state:

"Cell phones and blackberries are not to be used during the school day. Cell phones will be confiscated if students use them during the day and will be returned by the end of the day or the following school day."

Well, yeah...let's see. We have approximately 560 girls at my daughter's school. I would estimate that 555 of them have a cell phone. Of those 555, I would also estimate that 554 of them have the phone turned on while at school but on vibrate or silent mode. That way, if Mom or Dad needs to send them a text, they can check for messages in between classes or over lunch ("I will be working late." "You left your Lit book @ home. Do you need it?" "Just got your text from this morning. Sorry. Can't bring the Lit book you left @ home. I'm @ work..."). This is not intended as a device to be used all day...like during class!

But apparently, here's what happens with some many of the girls:

The teacher is lecturing. The student reaches into her backpack and inconspicuously (one-handed) types a text to a friend in another class (or sitting across the room!). When I asked my daughter how a girl could possibly do this without looking at her phone, she shrugged me off and said, "It's not that hard, Mom...well, I don't do it, obviously." Obviously...

So, I asked her to send me a backpack text -- right then.

Here's what I got:

Hello mu mdnr ud 3 =1%)!

I can't remember what she said she tried to type!

Hmmm...either she:

1. Was telling the truth about not being a backpack texter, OR
2. Sent a complete gobbledegook text to placate me.

I'll take # 1, thank you very much!

Here's what I got on my Samsung Captivate when I tried to backpack text:

Nf czhvbgsf nx,mmm

In case you somehow couldn't decipher my message, that says:

My Daugter is Cool

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Needle In a Haystack...

Just found this post that I never published. I liked it when I wrote it, so I decided to go ahead and send it out into cyberspace - about a year after the fact...

About 6 months ago, my 15 year old offered to "organize" my collection of recipes. If you'd seen them then, you'd know why I was thrilled beyond belief and willing to pay nearly any price for this precious service. We settled on the approximate amount of $100. This is what I've gotten so far...um, yeah...

 

Ain't life with teens grand?

So, recently, when I wanted to prepare my fabulous Pineapple Ketchup to go with the Pork Tenderloin that we were grilling for our family's Sunday dinner for nine, it was with sheer amazement that I retrieved the recipe from the pit on our guest room bed in under a minute. Serve this with grilled pork, beef or chicken. Yum! It's also good alongside marinated red onions. (Marinate for a couple of hours in a ziplock bag: one thinly sliced and quartered red onion, the juice of one lime, 1 T. red wine vinegar, 1 t. sugar, coarsely ground pepper to taste.) This meal pairs nicely with with a glass of pinot grigio, or if you prefer red, you are best to stick with a lighter one, perhaps a pinot noir or petir syrah. I even like a smooth Crianza with this. Enjoy!

Chunky Pineapple Ketchup

• 1 T. vegetable oil
• 1 yellow onion, very thinly sliced
• 1 pineapple, chunked
• 1/4 cup orange juice
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 rice wine vinegar or vinegar
• 1 t. rose water (optional)
• 1 pinch ground cloves (important!)
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 T. corn starch, mixed with 2 T. water

1. Saute onions 5-7 minutes.
2. Add pineapple. Cook about 3 minutes more.
3. Add remaining ingredients, except corn starch mixture. Cook add'l 5 min or so until mixture begins to thicken.
4. Add corn starch mixture, and boil until mixture thickens substantially.
5. Serve with your favorite grill meat!

Weird Teen Collections

As I sift through the myriad of junk on my daughter's floor, searching for possible articles of clothing to add to the laundry, I am struck dumb by the sheer number of odds and ends that she appears to find worthy of collecting for future use:

• Starburst, Reece's, gum and other assorted candy wrappers
• Empty pop cans, water bottles and Tupperware
• Used Q-Tips
• Band-Aid wrappers
• Empty pop cans, water bottles
• Beads...everywhere
• Loose Kleenex
• Empty Rx bottles
• Embroidery floss in a variety of lengths and colors
• More hair bands than you can shake a stick at
• Bobby pins, clips, and the offers that fall out of magazines

Why is it that none of the things that would normally wind up in the rest of our trash cans sit idly on her floor/desk/night stand? I don't know. We have trash cans in every room of our home. Literally. Every room. Yet her hand can't seem to find them. I don't get that.

In her "defense" (ahem...), Girl 2 is incredibly creative and talented with all things crafts, and she is forever folding candy wrappers into cool works of art. Sooo, there is that. But I ask you, do they have to be all over her room in the meantime??? Agghhh! And there is simply no excuse for not throwing out a used Q-Tip, right? "Allow me to introduce you to the trash can!"

I have to offer this up, as well, though. I enjoy the crafts she makes with these odds and ends greatly! The picture I've included here...just one of the many things that she creates with the sort of thing that I wish she would pitch. Folded paper flowers. She is, in fact, a paper folding wizard of sorts. Pure self-taught art. Therein lies the difference between my daughter and me. She is a creative genius. Plain and simple. So, there you go.

And it is for that reason that I wind up simply letting it go.

All the crap that settles onto her floor.

I let it go. Let it slide right off me like a cool shower on a hot summer day..because before I know it, she will be out of our house and off to college, just like her older sister. And I will be left wishing she were here, crap on the floor or not. I will miss her, just as I miss her sister. A messy floor is a small thing, really, when it comes right down to it, isn't it?

So, I'll celebrate her creativity...today, at least.

If only the flowers made the room smell better...ah, well.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

 

 

 

 

Bullying - Celebrities Speak Out

Bullying is certainly in the news this week. Good Morning America ran a story this morning, interviewing one of my favorite actors from Modern Family, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. He said that his situation got so bad in junior high that he had to change schools in 8th grade. They aired a quote from Tim Gunn (Project Runway), who said that he had such angst as a young gay male at 17, that he tried to commit suicide.

A public service announcement about the gravity of this issue will be aired sometime later this week or early next. I have seen comments where people have asked why there is the sudden outcry only now, when a string of homosexual young men have committed suicide. From what I understand, this particular demographic is particularly at risk over all other teens (even lesbian teens) due to pressures and bullying that seem to be worse for them than their other teen peers.

Every home, every public school, every college must be a safe place for our sons and daughters to be.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

 

Tolerance -- We Can Make A Difference

Tolerence.

We can make a difference.

Ellen Degeneres said it quite eloquently last week:

http://bit.ly/ci783W

Talk to your kids, America. We have to stop the bullying. We can't let another one of our teenagers die because he or she feels:

• Alone
• Different
• Stupid
• Sub-Par
• Lost
• Alienated

Talk to your principals.Talk to your teachers. Talk to your neighbors. Talk to your kids.

Let them know you're watching. Let them know you care. You're there.

And be sure your kids know that you'll love them no matter what. No matter what. No, they don't know unless you tell them. Yes. They do need to hear that.

We. Can't. Keep. Losing. Children.

It has to stop, America.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

 

Expanding the Menu

According to Big Strong Man, I have a bad habit. He refers to it as "Expanding the Menu".

It goes something like this. We plan a party. I make up a detailed menu of all of the items that I am planning to serve, and then, at the very last minute…the 11^th hour, if you will…I Expand the Menu.

I panic and worry that we won't have enough food after all (we always have enough food for a cast of Marines…), and I start whipping up an extra batch of guacamole…or artichoke dip…or gooey butter cake. You get the idea.

Well, weekend before last, I did something similar…kinda.

We were preparing to leave for Chicago to take our daughter to college – in 30 minutes.

And at that very moment, I decided to make her some of my famous Pesto Pasta…'cuz' that's her favorite. And I hadn't made any in a while. So, I decided I needed to do it – right then. (Hey, when you have veritable basil bushes like I do, you tend to want to take advantage of them, ya' know?)

Um, yeah…you might say that I'm a little verklempt about sending this child off to school.

So, I put the pot of water on the stove to boil…throw in the kosher salt and some olive oil and put a lid on, so it will boil faster.

Then, I run back to our room to finish getting ready.

I throw two bags of whole wheat spaghetti in with 20 minutes to go before our ETD (Estimated Time of Departure).

Those of you who have traveled with me before know that I tend to run a bit late…ahem.

Big Strong Man sees the steaming pot of water, and steam proceeds to start pouring out of his ears. He is definitely pleased…He quietly reminds me that we are leaving in now…17 minutes.

"I know," I chirp.

A few minutes later, when he sees me preparing to mix up my creamy pesto, I think his head might just spin right off of his neck. "We're leaving in three minutes."

"I know," I stammer. "I'm just trying to do something nice for our daughter. It's her favorite food on the planet." This to justify my completely inane activity at the last minute… ;-)

So, our daughter comes out to the kitchen, pours herself a "go mug" of coffee and sits down at the table. "What smells soooo good?"

"Pesto pasta," I reply, smiling complacently.

"YUMMMM! Oh, that sounds soooo good! Could I have some right now? Please???"

"For breakfast?? At 9 AM?"

"Yes??" she pleads.

"Sure. I don't care," I smile, absolutely thrilled with the early result of my domestic toils. I dish her out a big scoop of the creamy, green, garlicky pasta into a cereal bowl.

"That's plenty!"

She sits down at the breakfast table and starts twisting the strands of noodles around her fork. "Mmm, it's perfect."

"Doesn't need anything?"

"Nope! Why did you make this today?"

"For you and your roommate."

A look of surprise, then, perhaps embarrassment – but finally, pleasure crosses her face.

"We'll put it in a big gallon baggie, and it can go right into your dorm mini fridge. A little touch of home that you can warm up in the micro your first week of school."

Smiles all around.

9:08 AM…ready to walk out the door.

Not bad. Not bad at all…

Balance Babe (Molly Wendland)

Experience Everything…Well, Maybe Not Everything

So, my brother and I were on the phone the other night, and we got to talking. He asked what I'd been busy with lately, and I replied that we'd been getting our daughter ready to go off to college. That's when he said the following:

"Well, Molly, tell her I said to experience everything!"

If you knew my big brother, you'd know that more than likely, he truly meant exactly what he said.

Experience Everything.

With a capital E.

My brother is 10 years older than I am. He's 55 – almost an entire generation ahead of me. A former hippie – with everything you can imagine that may have included.

So, coming from him, "Experience everything" carries some weight…

"I don't know if I really want to tell her that," I said.

"She needs to spread her wings, come out of her shell."

"You know, she's really not in the little box that you think she is. She's very strong in her faith, but she's progressive in her thoughts and very open-minded. You just don't know her that well."

"Well, she should try everything. That's all I'm saying."

"Well, I'll tell her that. But I'll tell her that you said it," I said with a qualifying smile in my voice.

We laughed and hung up.

I shared the story with my daughter, and we laughed, too. She loves her uncle and realizes that his path was different than hers has been as a teenager. She gets that and appreciates the differences. She doesn't judge but chooses her own path. I love that about her and hope that she will continue to choose her own path, whatever experiences that might include.

May God keep her safe these next 4 years and beyond.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

The Ants Come Marching Three by Three

It was an ominous beginning to a bittersweet day.

I awoke earlier than necessary, after grabbing only about 4 hours sleep…ugh. Oh, well, more time to get things done before we set off to take our eldest daughter to her first year of college out of state.

I threw the last few items in my bulging suitcase (ever the overpacker…) and wheeled the bag quietly out to the kitchen. Tears streaming down my face, I bent to give my Big Strong Man a kiss good morning as he clicked away at his game on the computer. Hugging me, he brushed my hair out of my face and reassured me that she was going to be just fine. Selfishly, I thought to myself, "I know she will be. It's us I'm worried about." I measured out our morning coffee. One scoop, two, three, four, five..and a half. That should do it.

My baby is leaving for college, I thought. What will I do without her? It will be so quiet with only three of us in the house. It just won't be the same…

And then, it happened. Just the thing to snap me out of my self-indulgent misery:

ANTS.

Ants everywhere. Everywhere I looked.

On the counter. On the dishwasher. In the sink. On the Cabinets. Under the can opener, the food processer, the coffee maker…OMG…

In the pantry.

OMG!

The ants had invaded.

Overnight.

Well, not exactly overnight.

We had been battling them off and on for a couple of weeks but not to this extent. Not like this. Not in my freaking pantry.

Not the day I'm leaving to take our daughter to college.

Not the day my OCD niece is coming to stay with our younger daughter for four days – only to find the house infested with ANTS.

Excellent.

So we sprayed the heck out of the kitchen with Hawaiian Floral scented Raid Ant Killer…who's ever heard of that scent? Big Strong Man bought it! Crazy!

And then we proceeded to kill dozens of ants. Dozens. My skin is still crawling. Yuck.

Well, at least I get to stay in a comfy, cozy hotel tonight!

And it took my mind off sending my baby away to college…for a while anyway.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)