A Mother's Balancing Act

Creeper at the Movies

OK, is it just me, or is it weird for a guy to go to the movies, by himself, with the intent of picking up women?

Creepers. Yuck!

So, my High School Daughter (HS Girl) and I went to a movie the other night (Super 8 - which was great, by the way), and we decided to stop in line at the concessions. We were third in line and discussing what to get.

Balanced Babe: Mmm...I haven't had popcorn in forever. We have to get some.

HS Girl: I don't like movie popcorn...it's too salty.

BB: How could you not like movie popcorn? It's the best...it's so bad for us...but I don't care. Yum-oh.

HS Girl: I want something sweet.

BB: (whispering) I have M&M's...

Just then, Creeper (directly in front of us) turns around and grins leers at us. He has to kind of peer up at us - me, 5'11, and HS Girl, towering above him in all of her own teen stretched out glory, complete with braid down to her waist.

BB: Uh...helloo??

Creeper: I like to listen.

BB: Uh, yes...? (expecting him to utter some sort of excuse or apology for eavesdropping)

Creeper: And I've always loved tall women, so I couldn't help myself...

HS Girl: (eyes wide, smirk on her face, speechless)

BB: OKayyy...

Creeper turns back around.

HS Girl: (whispering) Flash your wedding ring!!! (explodes into a flood of giggles...)

Can I just say, "Not ok, Creeper Dude. Not ok." And as far as I'm concerned, he wasn't necessarily focused on me. My daughter was oblivious, but she can easily be taken for older than her 16 years. He could have been hitting on either one of us. In the end, her laughter shamed him on his creeper's way.

But, YUCK!

This is why women never, ever, ever, ever want to go to the movies alone...God forbid. Reminds me of the old Mad TV skit... "Can I Have Your Number?" Hilarious. In that case, the "creeper" was played by a young woman, dressed as a young man. Too funny.

Balanced Babe - Molly Wendland

Vanity Tag - Or Message from God?

To the lady yelling at someone on her phone in morning rush hour yesterday, while simultaneously cutting me off in traffic...

Your vanity tag reads:

JZUSLVU

I'd rather not even get into the grammar/syntax (Jesus is not plural...ahem).

But yes, I might agree that Jesus loves ME.

I'm just not so sure about you.

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Grown Men and GI Joe's

My cousin sent me this pic...I'm not sure of the original source, but my hat is off to the photographer. OK, yes, I know. It's not politically correct...but hey, maybe the squirrel was merely road kill. Right?

Men and their toys...ya' gotta' love 'em.

Dude, You Forgot Your Coffee

So, I guess it's not written anywhere that you have to order something when you go to a coffee joint, right? I'm sitting here in my favorite coffee haunt, in my favorite comfy chair, next to my favorite shelf of books (used books for sale in a coffee shop - how cool is that?).

The music is playing softly, the sun is streaming through the window over my shoulder as I type. There are four other adults and a baby in here. At least, there were four other adults (plus the two barristas). Then, a guy walked in, picked up several pieces of the paper laying on a table next to me, and took the comfy chair next to mine.

No coffee.

No latte.

No frappe.

No chai.

No nada.

He's been sitting and reading the paper now for about 15 minutes.

Whoa!

The guy just left. Took off in his SUV. Never ordered a thing.

Weird.

Dude. You forgot your coffee.

Balanced Babe (aka Molly Wendland)

Weird News - Sign of the Times? You Gotta' Be Kidding Me...

You have got to be kidding me...As my very astute 17 year old daughter mused, this sounds like something off of an episode of Malcolm in the Middle, and she is so right.

Dig this. Last weekend, in our humble Midwestern community, in the not-so-neck-and-neck race for county commissioner, the man trying to unseat the "6 year veteran" was looking out his own front window when he saw his opponent drive up in front of his house, get out of his car and remove his political sign --- from his own yard. Let me make sure that I've made myself clear. The incumbent, John Toplikar, drove up to his opponent, Calvin Hayden's home, and stole the opponent's signs directly out of his yard. Yes. That's what I said. Right out of the opponent's yard. Read on. This story will get even better further down.

This is flabbergasting on so many levels. Why am I amazed, you ask? Why should I be surprised that a politician should stoop to such a level? Let's break it down:

• The opponent, Hayden, is hardly even known by anyone in the county. At least, he wasn't. Now, his name is a household word. You can bet that at the very least, he will now receive pity votes.

• Toplikar has held this seat for SIX years. What on earth was he so worried about?

• This is not a race for Congress. Nor for Attorney General. Nor for the House of Representatives. Nor for Mayor or even City Council. This is a race for a seat on the County Commission.

Are you kidding me? This man needs to get a life.

So, when Hayden and his wife realized what was going on (they had suspected something to this effect for some time but hadn't been able to prove it), they called the police and the county elections board. Both offices basically told the Haydens that unless they could catch Toplikar in the act, they were hosed. Understandable, but frustrating.

Not to be deterred, a large number of Hayden supporters went out the following morning, hoping to catch Toplikar stealing more of Hayden's signs. And one volunteer did just that - caught him in the act, stealing two of Hayden's signs. Unbelievable. Check out the video here on YouTube. Hayden is now facing a misdemeanor theft charge. The question is, "Will this be enough to convince voters to check his opponent's name in the booth?" Guess we won't know that until Tuesday, since in this great country of ours, you're innocent until proven guilty.

The video? Hil-arious. The one from our local news channel explains the whole story and contains the edited version of the theft scene (more bang for your viewing buck, so to speak), so it's actually better than the YouTube, but you can choose for yourself which one(s) to watch. ;-)

Balanced Babe - (Molly Wendland)

They Drive Me Batty!

Life is stranger than fiction, at least in my home!  It is 11:30 at night, I am FINALLY calling it a day and crawling into bed when my children, 16 & 19, request my presence.  The mere fact that they want anything to do with me is alarming, but at this hour I am shocked.

Of course the request comes in the form of a text - they are just in the hallway outside my bedroom though. I MUST come to the hallway, NOW.

After some bantering, all I want is to sleep.  I walk to the hallway to find a bat hanging from the ceiling in the hallway.  Being the brave single mother that I am, I calmly go back into my bedroom and call the non-emergency police number.  Yes, with the strange neighbors I have it is programmed into my cell phone.  I ask if they can dispatch animal control.  "No, mam; they don't work at this hour.  Can I help you?"  I explain that there is a bat hanging from my hallway ceiling and that I would like it to disappear.  Thirty minutes or so later, the friendly police squad show up to rid my house of the bat.

Cop one asks if I have a ladder, but decides on taking the kitchen chair instead - low ceilings I guess.  Cop two stops the proceedings to pull out her cell phone and take pictures of the bat.  All the while, I just want this thing gone so I can go back to bed.  Cop one carefully climbs upon the chair and pulls out his tin can with a lid in which he  begins to scoop the bat.  Well darn that popcorn ceiling, his little feet are pretty tightly implanted onto my ceiling and he is not wanting to release his hold, so the bat begins to screech.  My two yappy miniture dachshunds chime in with this screeching too.  I knew exactly how the Grinch felt, "Oh the noise, noise, NOISE!"  Alas, my faithful and friendly policemen successfully scrape the bat off the ceiling and into their tin can.

They walk out my front door and before the door is even fully closed - let it go.  By the grace of G-d, the damn creature did not re-enter my house.  12:30 am, I am definitely ready for some sleep!  Had this bat been a rich and gorgeous Bruce Wayne, I would have welcomed him to stay much later, ah but not the luck of this fair maiden.

Yours in the Blogosphere,

Coffee Queen

Introducing...A New Author on Mother's Balancing Act

Drumroll, please...

Allow me to introduce the newest addition to my Mother's Balancing Act team, Coffee Queen!

She's balancing a career in sales while raising two teens as a happily divorced (did I mention available?) mom who has been a dear friend of mine for many years. When not working or attending one of her many kids' activities, you might find her drinking one of the skads of cups of coffee she consumes on a daily basis (usually decaf...go figure), working on her latest quilting project, playing with one of her crazy miniature dachsunds, volunteering for SAFEHOME, helping fight Juvenile Diabetes (which her daughter was diagnosed with last year), hanging out with her adorable mother (yes, she's a member of the "sandwich generation"), or at the gym (did I mention she's one hot mama?).

Coffee Queen goes a mile a minute and manages to pull it all off with grace and style. However, having said that, her feet are firmly planted in the White Trash Mom movement (thank God, or I might not be able to call her my BFF!), and her very first post will carry a "weird" tag, so you know she'll fit right in here. I'm guessing future posts will fit into such categories as:

• Coffee (that great elixir of life...)
• Tales from the Dweeb Side
• Parenting/Teens
• Working Moms
• Single Moms/Motherhood
• Divorced and Dating???
• Muffia
• Pets, namely the aforementioned crazy min dachsunds

OK, so...the next post on this site will be from...you guessed it. Our very own...Coffee Queen!

Cheers!

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)