A Mother's Balancing Act

Arizona - Man - It's a Whole Different Universe!

I really should have posted this before the election. It would have been more timely, what with McCain being from Arizona and all. But in typical procrastinator's fashion, here I am...late. Again.

So, a few weeks ago, Big Strong Man and I traveled to McCain's home state for my cousin's wedding. The details are now not quite as fresh in my mind, so a few observations about the state in general will have to suffice:

• Speed limits (especially those posted on any highway) are merely a suggestion. Drive any speed you choose at any time. Double that sentiment for construction zones regardless of all of those temporary reproving signs, warning you that fines are double in construction zones. (If there really isn't any fining going on to begin with, then doubling that isn't going to have much of a consequence, now is it?!). I nearly got blown off the road when I slowed to the posted construction zone speed...silly outsider!

• Plan to keep your broom and dustpan handy at all times for sweeping up tarantulas at a moment's notice. Yes, I speak in utter deadpan sincerity on this topic.

• Lizards, lizards and more lizards.

• I so wish that I had photographed the gentleman, in full business attire mind you, and shades propped up on his head as if he'd just raced over from the office. There he was hammering away on an electric organ (complete with steel drum and string effects) when we happened into a convenience store on Interstate 10, driving from Phoenix to Tucson. What was the song, you ask? Rocky Top. (no, the link is not to the guy singing...it's just in case you don't know the song...) There was a sign on top of the organ that read, "The Crooners". That's all, nothing more. Had I not witnessed it with my own eyes and ears, I'm not sure I would have believed the story. I walked through the store, picking up my bottled water and some candy, suppressing my guffaw, listening to tune after tune. Live music at the convenience store. Who'da thunk it? Shoot fahr! When we got to the counter, sensing my impending laughter, the cashier pleaded, "Don't even ask me. I have no idea!" By then, we'd been regaled with Rocky Top, On the Road Again and several others which are now escaping me. BSM and I figured out that he was one member of a band from the nearby Casino. We were driving through an Indian reservation. Apparently, he was (literally?) trying to drum up some business. Stop by next time you're ambling through AZ.

• Keep a watchful eye on your small children if you are visiting the foothills of the mountains. Again, not kidding. Mountain lions. Eating children. In Arizona.

• Did I mention rattlesnakes? In gardens? (See photo above from my cousin's backyard.)

• You know how you see the signs for lost dogs all over the place? Not so in Arizona. In Tucson, it was "LOST GOAT: Reward". I nearly wrecked the rental over that one! At a major intersection, no less.

OK, so I've told you all the funny stuff. But I haven't yet mentioned the amazing sunsets, my hilarious and fun family (why do we wait so long between visits???), my gorgeous relatives' homes, the fabulous food we ate, the wonderful resort where we stayed (Westward Look) (my cousin's new wife secured a great rate!), the fact that it was cold at home but 90 degrees in AZ, and that the cost of living appeared to be similar to ours in the Midwest. Plus, my family even told me they loved the book! You gotta' love that White Trash Mom movement. It's everywhere! Even in Arizona!

Having said all of that, are we moving? Not on your sweet scorpion life!

Cheers,

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Introducing...A New Author on Mother's Balancing Act

Drumroll, please...

Allow me to introduce the newest addition to my Mother's Balancing Act team, Coffee Queen!

She's balancing a career in sales while raising two teens as a happily divorced (did I mention available?) mom who has been a dear friend of mine for many years. When not working or attending one of her many kids' activities, you might find her drinking one of the skads of cups of coffee she consumes on a daily basis (usually decaf...go figure), working on her latest quilting project, playing with one of her crazy miniature dachsunds, volunteering for SAFEHOME, helping fight Juvenile Diabetes (which her daughter was diagnosed with last year), hanging out with her adorable mother (yes, she's a member of the "sandwich generation"), or at the gym (did I mention she's one hot mama?).

Coffee Queen goes a mile a minute and manages to pull it all off with grace and style. However, having said that, her feet are firmly planted in the White Trash Mom movement (thank God, or I might not be able to call her my BFF!), and her very first post will carry a "weird" tag, so you know she'll fit right in here. I'm guessing future posts will fit into such categories as:

• Coffee (that great elixir of life...)
• Tales from the Dweeb Side
• Parenting/Teens
• Working Moms
• Single Moms/Motherhood
• Divorced and Dating???
• Muffia
• Pets, namely the aforementioned crazy min dachsunds

OK, so...the next post on this site will be from...you guessed it. Our very own...Coffee Queen!

Cheers!

Balanced Babe (Molly Wendland)

Dum Dum Dog...

I never had a dog growing up, and when our girls were small, I knew I had to give them the one  I never had. Period. I made it my mission in life to convince my Big Strong Man that not only was a dog good for them, they needed one. Sure, he'd had a dog (and even two or three) growing up. He'd had that joy. That relationship that a kid has with his pet. I hadn't. I was gypped, you see.

Enter Casey, our little white fluffball of a Bichon Frise. Funny how short people have big dogs and tall people have little dogs. What's up with that? I know that's a sweeping generalization, but I sure know a lot of instances where that applies. Anyway, here we are, a very tall family with our tiny little 8 1/2 pound (small for her breed, even) dog. She's 6 1/2 years old now, and she's been a joy for our family in so many ways. Never mind that she barks at imaginary things in the yard and is certain that she will catch rabbits. Well, actually, she has caught her share of critters over the years:

• Rabbits
• Baby rabbits
• Birds
• Opossum
• Mice
• Chipmunks

And, are you ready for this one?

• A bat

Yep, a bat.

So, she's quite the little natural critter hunter. She's got a good nose. So, last night, when we got home from our anniversary dinner and found her rooting through Girl 2's tote bag, we should have known right off that she'd been up to no good. Should have immediately suspected that she'd already eaten stuff she shouldn't have. It wasn't until a little while later that we found the gum.

A previously unopened package of Cinnamint Orbit. Now gnawed through the tops of three plus pieces. My girls usually open the package and take individual pieces out. Just something about the way they were taught, I suppose. I don't know. And they tend to unwrap each piece before chewing them. Something about the flavor, I think. Perhaps they're fussy that way. Maybe the texture? I guess you could say they're purists. So, we suspected Casey.

I suddenly remembered the frightening email that I'd received some time ago and subsequently checked out on Snopes.com about dogs and Xylitol. Not a good combo. Reportedly, two pieces of gum with Xylitol can kill a 20 pound dog. Aw, geez. So, off we went to the Emergency Vet. When we arrived, there were all these other people there in tears, and here's Casey, wanting to run up and lick everyone. She's so friendly.

They take her back to an exam room and report that her temp is 105.2 degrees. This does not sound good. They tell me that Casey is presenting far differently from most dogs who have eaten gum with Xylitol. Most dogs would be falling asleep, possiblly even seizing. Casey is acting extremely hyper. The vet tells me they may need to keep her overnight for observation. Keep her hooked up to an IV, etc. I know Big Strong Man (who is fond of saying, "You know how Casey is your first dog ever? She's going to be your last...") will have a coronary at this. I ask for an estimate of what this would cost and ask what the risk would be if we did not do it. The vet says he'll work that up.

I also ask the vet what he would do if he were in my shoes. He says it's frustrating since she's not presenting typically, that it's not an easy call, and that if she goes home with me that we'd need to wake her every few hours to make sure she's OK. The cost to stay overnight is...are you ready? $547. Gulp. I tell the vet I need to call BSM. Really, I'm already telling myself that we can monitor her at home.

The vet and I decide to induce vomiting to see what this "produces". They find the gum, some brown stuff (chocolate -- hey, Girl 2 is a teenager with a very sweet tooth...) and --yep. You may have already guessed it. A Dum Dum wrapper. And the vet tech says the vomit smells like cinnamon. Well, duh...I said it was Cinnamint Orbit.

She is fine. Her nickname will now and forever more be Dum Dum.

Balanced Babe

What's for Dinner? Make it Snappy!

So, last night, Big Strong Man called on his way home from work, as he often does (bless him...) to see if we needed anything from the store toward dinner. Dinner? Again? Already? Didn't we just do that? Ugh...Then, I remembered I had some hamburger in the fridge and some fresh green beans and those fabulous Roma tomatoes I had gotten at Costo.

"Nope," came my smug response. "I think I've got it under control." Just call me Donna Reed. June Cleaver. Martha Stewart. As. If. Not...So, having been home from work already for a couple of hours, I sprang into action, so it would actually look like I really did have it under control. HA! Pretending I was Rachel Ray, I reached into my fridge to begin assembling all of my ingredients in one smooth move. Done.

Deciding it would be best to get the hamburgers done up first, I ripped open the package of ground round...and immediately determined that we were not, in fact, going to be having burgers for dinner. Quickly re-wrapping the meat, I checked the date. Hmmm...yes. That would explain the disgusting odor emanating from said package. Sell by August 8th. Excellent. I am a stellar mother/meal planner/chief/cook/bottle washer extraordinaire.

Double Ugh.

OK, Molly. Re-group. I had a couple of pizza crusts in the fridge, but my younger daughter and I had pizza for dinner the day before with friends. Girl 1 turned up her nose at the pork tenderloin recipe I suggested, and it was going to take too long to prepare anyway...and who has the energy? Digging through the freezer...aha! Frozen lasagna from Costco.

Have you tried this? It's really pretty good.

• The noodles are even al dente
• There's plenty of sauce
• It's got meat and Italian sausage (but not so much that picky Girl 1 turns her often upturned nose at it!)
• It's waaaay more than enough for my family of four (I think the package says 6 servings, and that's about right, even with Big Strong Man at the table)
• You can start it in the microwave, for about half the stated microwave cooking time, and finish it in the oven to save time for a true Desperation Dinner

Dinner saved, once more. I even snapped the fresh beans while the "nya nya" (what my girls called it when they were little) was cooking. Pop them in a Pyrex dish with about a tablespoon of water and a little butter, cover, and microwave on high for about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. Leave them there until the lasagna comes out of the "real" oven. Drain beans, add a tablespoon or two of dried cranberries and zap for another minute or so. Sprinkle with toasted, sliced almonds (if available!). Yum-oh!

Slice three Roma tomatoes thickly on plate. Top with ribbons of fresh basil (I have fresh herbs in pots on my patio. If you don't, a little garlic powder will do.), shredded parmesan, salt and cracked pepper. Drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

If you have some bread, all the better. If not, don't sweat it. The "nya nya" will suffice. Really. :-)

Delish. Enjoy.

Balanced Babe

Tales from the Dweeb Side - Coffee Disasters

Yesterday over at our White Trash Mom site, I posted about my youngest daughter's first day of high school and my morning mishap with my coffee in the car.

So, today, I decided to be extra careful and take my Big Girl Mug Thermal Travel Mug with the securely fastened lid. No more morning mayhem for me! I had a client meeting scheduled in the afternoon, and I was looking pretty good, if I do say so myself (and I do...:-).

Taking further precaution, I made sure to place the aforementioned travel mug into the superbly designed cupholder (one of 5 within easy reach in my Toyota mom-mobile Siena). Next, I strapped it down with a piece of taurpalin backed the van out of the driveway and proceeded on my merry way. Since my eldest was driving the carpool to school (wahoo!!!!!), I didn't even have that to worry about. Safely stopped at a traffic light, I picked up my mug out of its safety harness cupholder...and proceeded to attempt not only to drink from the wrong side of the mug but without first opening the handy-dandy spout. When I realized my lame-brained mistake, I first opened the spout while starting to turn the mug around. Having never done this before, I wouldn't have known that there can actually be pressure built up inside one of these things, all from trying to drink from the wrong side of the mug, with the spout closed (who knew?). At that moment, coffee spurted out at my bangs. Like a mini volcano eruption. Dumbfounded, I put the coffee back into its cupholder and reached for the napkins that I keep in my glovebox for occasions just like these and begain dabbing at said bangs clutzily, all while laughing at myself in the car at the traffic light.

I finish wiping my bangs down...the damage was surprisingly scant...and I decide to try this drinking at the safety of the traffic light thing again. After all, I have a safety mug.

I look at the mug to be sure that:

1. The spout is open.
2. I am going to be drinking from the correct side of the mug.

Having never had to qualify these things before, I find myself laughing again. I tilt the safety mug to my mouth, and before it has even touched my lips, there is coffee spilling all...over...me.

What the hell?

Now, I know you'd think that a sane person would be furious by now, but given the events of the previous day, and given that perhaps I am a little off my rocker anyway, I start dabbing away again and laughing out loud. Alone. In my minivan. It is then that I happen to look over to my left at the vehicle next to me. The guy next to me is staring at me with the biggest scowl on his face you have ever seen.

There I am laughing at myself in my car, and this guy is scowling at me. What'd I do to him? You know, Big Strong Man and I are firm believers in one of our favorite sayings:

"If you don't laugh, you cry, so you might as well laugh your way through this life."

Take it easy this week. And when something doesn't go your way, laugh it off, 'cuz' it's just not worth going through life with an ugly old scowl on your face.

The light turned green. I waved at the Scowler and drove away while he was still sitting there scowling. Maybe this wasn't a Coffee Disaster after all. Perhaps it was a Coffee Affirmation! Ha!

Cheers.

Balanced Babe

Author, Author!

Those are words I never dreamt might apply to me. Author. Of a book. Yet here I sit. A published author. It's been a long journey. Three years ago, Michelle Lamar called me and asked if I might like to write about the daily happenings in my crazy life on her new blog. I'd been regaling her with stories of my ineptitude as a mother:

• How I regularly forgot to turn things in on time
• How we'd race up to school just in the nick of time
• Or better yet, leave the parking lot to get that forgotten item just as the bell was ringing, etc.

Michelle thought I'd be the perfect addition to fill in some gaps, along with stories from her own (far crazier!) life. I thought this sounded like great fun. I'd always loved writing, and this would be a creative outlet and a nice way to "vent" some pent up frustrations. Here's how the conversation went from there:

Molly: Sure, what the heck? What's the name of your blog?

Michelle: (with a sly smile): White Trash Mom

Molly: (spewing my cafe Americano): Say it again, please?

Michelle: You heard me, sister. White Trash Mom!

Molly: (visibly nervous/horrified/starting to sweat on the palms...): Why the hell did you name it THAT?

Michelle: 'Cuz' I'm a total smartass...you know that!

Molly: (soon to be Tacky Princess): Well, that goes without saying, but...I don't get it.

Michelle: (having already dubbed herself the Queen of White Trash): Look. It's really not that trashy. It's just...look at all the moms in the parking lot every day. Perfect hair. Perfectly dressed. And then look at us. Well, you look pretty good...most of the time. OK, now look at me. I take my kids to school in my pajamas every day. I'm lucky if they get there on time.

Molly: Me, too.

Michelle: See? That's what it's about. White Trash Moms embrace that.

Molly: Taking their kids to school late all the time?

Michelle: Noooo...(sighing, as if I just might not make the white trash mom grade after all...). It's about being imperfect as a mom and being OK with that. Embracing it! And to hell with all the perfect moms! As if!

Molly: Oh. Well, I can live with that.

And that was that. I started writing for White Trash Mom. In deference to "the Queen", I became Tacky Princess. And the rest is history. Our online numbers got better and better, and the next thing you know, Michelle's "little" blog started getting national attention. Then, she started talking about writing a book. There's nothing small about Michelle Lamar...

Tacky Princess: A book? Really?

Queen of White Trash: Yes, a book. Why not?

TP: Wow, I never thought about that. A book. Sounds cool.

The Queen: I've already written most of the proposal. Do you want in?

TP: Sure!

And again, we were off and running, Michelle leading the way. And the next thing you know...

• She found our super agent, Levine Greenburg
• They found our wonderful publisher, St Martin's Press
• And the rest is history

Or so the story goes. And here we are. Published. It's a little surreal, really. After countless hours of writing and edits, etc. The book is really here! OK, enough already...

Cheers.

Tacky Princess / Balanced Babe

BlogHer '08 - One More Story to Relate!

I have to share one more story from BlogHer. I know a lot of you are just plain sick of hearing about it, but honestly, this one is as much just a really funny story as anything else. It just happened to occur at the conference.

So, it was my first day at the conference. I think Michelle and I had just eaten lunch at the fabulous "cash-only" Thai place right around the corner from the hotel. She was waiting outside while I went back upstairs to grab my credit cards, so we could do some damage at Saks. (Yes, as a matter of fact, White Trash Moms do love Saks...)

So, I'm walking down the hall to catch the elevator, and I get behind this "tall-ish" guy wearing a backpack. He is holding the hand of a small child. A light bulb goes on over my fool head, and I blurt out, excitedly, "Backpacking Dad?!" The guy turns to me with a bewildered expression on his face, and utters a puzzled and uncomfortable, "Uh...no...?" to which I respond lamely, "Oh, I'm sorry, you looked like a friend of mine." I then zoom past him in utter humiliation and hysterical laughter, wishing Michelle was with me to share in my dorkdom.

Yeah, BlogHer, man. Good times, good times.

(Editorial Note: Later, I did in fact, meet the real Shawn Burns of Backpacking Dad fame, who totally rocked the conference, and who, by the way, has been helping us out with the winner selection process on our WTM Book Contests. If you haven't been over to vote, get on it, sister! The BOOK came out on Tuesday!)

Balanced Babe